The night before a scan can feel like standing on the edge of a cliff. Sleep comes in short pieces, and every time I wake up I remember why. The fear slips into the room before the light does. If you live with Cancer, or carry a history of it, you probably know this feeling….
Read moreTag: Emotional Toll
The exhausting limbo between tests, results, and treatment decisions
There is a kind of silence that feels loud. The clock keeps moving, but your whole life seems to hold its breath. That is what waiting for medical test results often feels like when you live with Cancer. You may keep busy, answer emails, fold laundry, make dinner. On the outside you look steady. Inside,…
Read moreGuilt in Cancer: Naming Unhelpful Blame & Honoring Resilience
Guilt can feel like a second illness during Cancer, but it doesn’t get to tell the whole story of your life; you can notice when it drains your energy, name it as unhelpful, and gently set it down. When you choose one small, kind action instead of endless self-blame, you protect your limited strength for…
Read moreAt the end of 6 years, I have given up on the idea of arriving someplace. There will never be a time when I understand everything and can live without fear. I expected to get to that place. I thought that after 6 years, I would have it figured out. I have not. Maybe that is the first thing I want you to know.
At the end of 6 years, I have given up on the idea of arriving someplace. There will never be a time when I understand everything and can live without fear. I expected to get to that place. I thought that after 6 years, I would have it figured out. I have not. Maybe that…
Read moreStaying the Course Through Cancer: Real Courage Beyond Forced Positivity
People love to say, “Just stay positive,” when you are in treatment. At first, I tried to do that, to keep a brave face and a smile no matter what was happening. Over time, I learned that forced positivity is not the same as real courage. What has kept me going is something quieter and…
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