Are You Living Your Life or Just Watching It Pass By?
I stood at my kitchen window last Tuesday morning, coffee in hand, staring at nothing in particular. My wife asked me something, I can’t even remember what, and I realized I’d been somewhere else entirely. Not thinking deep thoughts. Not planning. Just absent. How many mornings had I done this same thing? How many moments had slipped past while I stood behind some invisible pane of glass?
That’s when I saw it plain as day, I’d become a spectator in my own life.
You know that feeling. You’re driving home and suddenly you’re in your driveway with no memory of the route. You’re in a conversation, but you’re replaying yesterday’s argument. You scroll on your phone for two hours when you meant to check one thing. Days blur into weeks. Weeks turn into months. Somewhere along the way, you stop living your story and start watching it.
I see this in the people I talk with at our retirement community. I saw it in patients during my decades as a surgeon. I see it in myself more often than I want to admit. We learn how to be in the room without really being there. We go through the motions. We show up. We do what needs doing. But our hearts and minds stay a few steps back.
The hard part is how quietly it happens. One compromise at a time. One “maybe later” that turns into never. One dream set aside until you forget it had a name. You tell yourself you’re being practical. Responsible. Realistic. And maybe you are. Still, courage asks a different question, what do you actually want?
Courage does not always look like a big leap. Most days, it looks small. It looks like making a choice when it would be easier to drift. Calling a friend instead of thinking about calling. Taking the different route home. Trying the new recipe. Having the talk you’ve been avoiding. Saying yes when comfort says no. Saying no when your body says stop. It’s the difference between letting life happen to you and stepping into it with open eyes.
I’m not talking about grand gestures, bucket lists, or quitting your job to find yourself on the other side of the world. I’m talking about Tuesday afternoon. The conversation in front of you. The moment you are in right now. Are you here for it, or are you watching from somewhere else?
During my health journey these past six years, I learned something that changed how I see everything. You can be sick and still be fully alive. You can face hard days and still take part in your own life. The opposite is also true. You can look fine on the outside and feel gone on the inside. Health matters, yes. So does presence.
Watching your life pass by can feel safe. No risks. No awkward tries. No chance of getting hurt. But safety has a cost. When you stay behind the glass, joy stays muted. Growth stays small. The moments that should stop you in your tracks barely touch you. Then you reach the end of the week and can’t point to anything that felt real. You reach the end of your life and realize you spent too much of it in a waiting room.
Living is messier than watching. You make mistakes. You say the wrong thing. You try, you fail, you try again. You feel things all the way, the good and the bad. That is part of being human. Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s choosing to stay present even when fear shows up.
I’m working on this myself. I put down my phone more often. I listen when my wife talks, instead of planning my reply. I notice the light through the window instead of staring through it. I write what I mean, not what sounds polished. Small acts of showing up. Small acts of courage.
Your life is happening right now. Not tomorrow. Not when things settle down. Not after you finish the project, lose the weight, or fix the problem. Now.
Are you watching, or are you living?
